To have loved and lost is better than to have not loved at all?

Dang i still cant remember my password! so i guess I'll just have to continue using this account until I can remember it. God knows how long that'll take. But yeah.

ANYWAY. Today at school I felt terrible. SAD SAD SAD :( like it was as though I was at UCLA back again. That whole feeling of missing people and feeling so alone even though there were so many people around. I really hate this feeling. Its terrible. I almost cried in class. Thank God I didnt. I dont even know why I'm acting like this. I really miss Gracie and Aeneas. Like so much more than people think.

Another thing I miss is chinese class. That was my favorite class, a class to wrap up the whole day. With Gracie, Aeneas and Estelle, It was pure bliss. I miss making fun of Paull and teasing him, listening to the most random things, i really miss China.

Everyone is just like "you'll find new friends".. "you'll survive".. "you have other people who you hang out with".. All thats true. Its just, different. Like now I dont really know who I can trust and stuff. I knowt there's people like Abi, Mel, Fiona, Cat (in school) but they dont really hang out much.. as in the 4 of them.. so sometimes I dont know who to go with. Like for instance, just now I could feel the tension when I went with the indos for lunch instead of Mel/ Abi. Its like.. at least last time with Gracie and Aeneas there, I had my own "group" so it didnt really matter who I walked/ sat with because everyone knew that we were together. God. This is so hard to explain in words. Its complicated.

I'm just going to pray that it'll all get better in time. I mean my father did bring up a good point in the car. If i feel bad, I wonder what people like Fiona and Martin feel? Their bfs/gfs are like 12 hours away! It must suck for them too. So i shall stop wallowing in self pity and consider myself lucky that Aeneas is still in Singapore and Gracie is just like a few hours away.

Appointment tomorrow with Big Lee. I'm not really sure what is going to happen/ what I want to happen. Like I think I may get in trouble for not having attended last weeks appointment. And for that part, I'm scared. But at the same time, I'm scared of what she'll say of my emotional state of mind right now. I dont even know myself. I guess I'm still in the whole recovery thing but I'm not sure if it'll last- especially with the voices so loud now that I'm feeling like crap. :(

There's so much to write really. About how I feel and stuff. And I guess I'll have to go bck to blogging on a daily basis. That really helped :) Oh, and definitely continue Bible study :) Yay I love God :) OH, this post is so boring there's no pics. So lets spice it up a bit so it doesnt seem to boring and dreary:

ucla stuff:

i went out with these people the day i got back, i was so tired:

gracie's farewell at the airport: (i miss em both so damn much)

High school Musical: (okay, before you think I've lost my mind.. I was accompanying my little cousin!)

Okay those are just random photos from Summer stuff. Most of the pics from summer were taken by other people. And yeah. the rest are on facebook. I'm too lazy to upload it here and I've got a ton of homework to do :(

back in action

SO i forgot my password to the other private blog. And i really need to blog because I feel so overwhelmed right now. OKAY. its ironic because there isnt much I can type.. so back to the five things thingy.

1. I miss Gracie

2. I miss Aeneas

3. I dont like school anymore.

4. I feel like its last year again

5. I dont know who I can trust

OKAY WAIT ANOTHER ONE: i want to cry.

Byebye

BYE FOR NOW. CHANGE OF BLOG ADD. ASK ME IF YOU WANNA KNOW. THOUGH I PROBABLY WONT TELL YOU. <3

ARGH

This is so completely unfair. I feel so annoyed right now. I have been following the meal plan Anita has given me for the past two weeks and I've not really made a big fuss out of most meals, adhering to meeting my parents even though its really inconvenient especially since i'm out with my friends. So i mean, I should get somewhat a reward for actually following through with something right?

Well. The parents dont think so. You see, Last week, I got approached by imodelsinternational. Unlike the other stupid fake companies that approach you along orchard Rd, this one actually sounded pretty good- since it came with a website that actually looked decent and had people calling to set up an interview that could actually speak proper english. So, i've been looking for a job.. and modelling is something I wouldnt mind doing. So i told my parents about it since the agency had to meet up with them too. The interview thingy was suppose to be on Wed but since my Dad couldnt make it we changed it to today (Friday) and they promised they would go.

But just a couple of minutes ago, My mother came to tell me that I will not be allowed to go. They dont think its a good idea. Since i'm not "healthy" enough. WHAT THE HECK. this is so completely unfair. Its my life. I'm not asking for much.. Its not as though I will lose weight once I get recruited. I looked up pictures of some of the moedls and they actually look decent sized.. as in healthy weight and stuff. They cant shield me from things like this forever. For god's sake, I am already 16 going on 17. I'm going to college in a year or two (hopefully). On one hand, they want me to be more independent and think for myself, but when it comes to situations like these, they take complete control again. Gosh i dont have control of anything whatsoever now. I have already given them control of something really important to me.. food and exercise and all. Now they want to take control of another aspect of my life which they know is really important to me.DAMN IT I AM SO PISSED.

BACK IN SINGAPORE!

HELLO FELLOW ER, PEOPLE I'M FINALLY BACK!

well actually I was back exacly a week ago but i couldnt be bothered to update. What with the jetlag and all that. But Amri the weezil has convinced me that my page has gotten boring with the same thing everytime she visits it (Yes, we all know she's obsessed over me) Hohoho. Anyway.. A couple of pics from the trip are on facebook. Cant be bothered to upload them here. I went to Vegas and Canada btw.

It was awesome! So glad I got to spend quality time with grandma and grandpa. (: It was weird how A couple of years back I was apparently embarrassed to be seen in public with my grandparents. Well, at least thats what Grandma told me. Haha. But yes, overall, It was a great trip <3

But Singapore has been really fun too! Hehe. Gone out with deary dear friends since I've gotten back. And i still have yet to hang out with a couple! (RUIYI!)

The Day i got back, went ICE SKATING. all the way in Jurong with shann, Marty, Anus, Ab, Ben and Mel. (what i found out: Jurong is 51 min from Orchard by MRT. WTF) Anyway, Ice skating was fab. Its been a while since I ice skated. And i'm still amazed at how those little kids can jump and twirl themselves at such a young age. Incredible.

HAVE I MENTIONED! I LOVE GUITAR HERO OMGOMGOMGOMG.

The two CHEEKOPEHS (HAHA) who introduced me to guitar hero! OMG. it was to make up for watching that beyond stupid no plot only action movie, Wanted. Which i got forced to watch. EW. angelina Jolie looks so thin in it. Its weird. HAHA. okay, I sound so like Ironic right? But yes. She does.

I cant wait to hang out again with both of them (Free movie for Us girls! HAHA). Joel's in Indo.. hopefully coming back soon. And Fi is spending quality Jeddy time before He leaves for the states. God knows what they are up to. LOL. But yay sleepover this Fri!

CHECK OUT MR. ARMY. 

We tried camwhoring. But Most of the pics turned out horrible. So this will have to suffice. I bet he (along with tons of other HAPPY people) are going to be visiting my blog 24/7 just cos of this Pic. ANYA-WAY. it was great finally catching up with Ry after what seemed like forever and after our stupid cold war. I dont even know what we were fighting about anyway. <3 you.

Fri was spent with Foxxy Lady, Amanda. One of the last times we'd get to meet up before she leaves for college. Slept over and got a lot of catching up done. Its amazing how we barely meet up but when we do, We can just talk like nobody's business.. Kinda like how elise and I can too. I'm really gonna miss her and her encouragement.

i THINK she kinda looks like that poster behind her. The rihanna one, dont you guys agree?

Met Amri later on in the afternoon. Walked around and talked about her stupid LerBing for what seemed like forever (haha, kidding!) And then being the no lifers that we are, We sat inside Hyatt and made prank phone calls! HAHAHAHA.

"Is this Nel's friets"

"Yes"

"We were wondering if you would be itnerested in modelling for Men's health fathers edition"

"How did you get my number"

"Errrr the phonebook *laughs*"

"Its okay, I'll pass. Thank you"

Needless to say, My dad caught on pretty quickly and soon I got an sms saying "Very funny" from him. HAHA WE HAVE NO LIFE AMRI i swear. LOL.

YESTERDAY was spent cleaning my room and er, cleaning my room. I HAVE NO LIFE. Got grounded So couldnt go out and meet Joel and Nick :( Its been so long since I've gone out with those two monkeys and I'm gonna miss Joel even though we barely hang out (He's going to KL today TO STUDY) :( Oh well. AND SHAN is leaving too. I never did get a chance to get close to her. But I'm sure she was really nice. Was suppose to send her to the airport but GROUNDED. PSH. I think yesterday was a complete waste of time. Not only didnt I get my room clean, But i slept half the time Anyway.

JOWEEEL.

SHANNON. Okay, i kinda of view Marty and shan as like one person. They are like always together and Its amazing how long they managed to last despite what people said (sorry mel) haha. But yea. I THINK they are really quite together and I kinda pity marty (well, not pity but yeh..). Without shannon, He's like.. FOOD WITHOUT SALT. HAHAHA.

OKAY I SHALL GO NOW. YAY I CANT WAIT. STEAMBOAT TONIGHT!